Road Trip!!

Jesus Christ.

That couple that always makes you uncomfortable.

So you know, I'm home for the holidays, watching the Packer game and what not. Yeah, family is from Wisconsin and proud of it. Fuck, at least our state voted blue. So as we're watching the game with our relatives from Chicago, who happen to be Chicago Bears fans, a slow, cold, creeping feeling starts growing into your chest. You don't know whether to laugh at their awkward antics or to just remain quiet. You are trying to decide if they're Sitcom funny or simply disfunctional and unhappy. Simple phrases by both of them suddenly take on greater importance, as every exchange is seemingly a struggle for superiority and last words. "I think I'm going to go make some coffee."
"But honey, coffee gives you liquid cancer, [Looks around for laughs, finds none] you know, the runs..." "Coffee DOES NOT give me the runs, that DOES NOT happen to me."
Interesting little exchanges as this one prove my point. It's a sort of sick competition between the two of them of who can be better, a bigger sports fan, a better person... Are these funny or normal interactions, I don't know, but they surely put me at a lack of comfort to the point that I must come and make a blog post out of it to escape them and let this out. Oh, and whenever either of them gets angry in front of their little girl, they shout in those faux swear words, the ones that barely sound different from the actual word.

Track.

Realizations/Thoughts/Rants

Some music first.



Now yeah, this is another post about college life, so what? I'll take this blog in whatever direction I want. These are some things that can truly only be understood once one comes to a typical state college. And as much as I love what UW-Madison used to be and stand for, I have to admit that we have transformed into the your run of the mill state school. We went from war protests to street parties just aimed at getting drunk. Yeah, we're all political and liberal, but most of us have no idea why. Shit, most of us voted for Obama because a celebrity told us to. But aside from my griefs with this university, here is a list of things I have come to realize.

• The high school mindset is rampant among freshman mentalities. This is why freshmen are generally regarded as naive, foolish, and young. No wonder they want us at their parties, we're the ones that actually pay. Not only that, we never venture outside of campus, we stay in our dorms, and we leave our door open in a weak attempt at being social. We stay with the people we meet on our floor, and this is our high school clique.
• Cliques do not go away, I don't really understand how this myth got its roots, for I don't believe cliques ever stop existing. It's in our genes, we spend time with the people we enjoy, and generally a group of these people forms, further looking down upon anyone not like them. Fucking bros.
  
• The bus system is amazing. You can literally go wherever the fuck you want in this town. I know I received a free bus pass, and this shit's expensive for anyone who is not a student. But then again, there is a spoonful of reasons not to ride the bus, right? I know I am completely happy with the 10% of the city that I have seen, who needs to see more, right? Shit, only fucking creeps ride the bus. I don't understand the system. Why would I ever need to go anywhere off campus? So yeah, after living 6 years in a town where one can't get anywhere without a car, it is a breath of fresh air to see that you really don't need a car when living in a city.
• Fraternities are exactly the way they are in the movies. I'm sure that there is one fraternity out there that is unlike all the others, but for the majority of them, it's exactly what you'd expect. Cram into the sweaty basement and hear screams of "Woo!" and such amidst a haze of cigarette smoke and miniskirts. Morals are left at the door as a social experiment forms. Hook-ups, awkward conversation, turn downs, failure, victory, are all present, and one can only hope to make it out with some vague trace of dignity.
• I have found that the kids who simply hang out with the people on their floor are some of the most boring and uninteresting people. Contempt with their friends that are exactly like them, they never venture out to meet new, interesting people, and will most likely keep these friends for the remainder of their collegiate life.
• Living in a room fucking blows. Loving the dorm life/culture is unconceivable to me. Between being starved for space, dealing with obnoxious floormates yelling, screaming, and generally causing a big fucking ruckus, plus the gobs of shitty music blaring in the hallway at eight on a Friday night, one will want to murder himself, as well as the entire floor.
• Collegiate society is ridiculous. Crooked campus cops, pretentious professors, and shitty academic advisors plague the campus. Prerequisites are bullshit, being grades is bullshit, and assigned sign up dates are bullshit. Not only that, give up on your hope of receiving an unbiased education.

How long have we been in this room?
Dude, we've been in this room for the entire fucking semester.

True List of What You Need to Bring to College.

Well, you've read every single website, you dread moving in with your roommate, and you've packed up your Nickelback poster and high school attitude, all ready to move into college.
But what they did not tell you was that there are more things to bring, mainly things that you didn't know would be useful, because none of those "friendly" pamphlets told you about them. Fuck that twenty dollar dry erase board on your door, all that will ever be on there are penises and vulgarity. Pick up the following things instead.

1. Alcohol.
You guessed it, alcohol. You would think everyone thought of bringing some to their first night in college, but you were wrong. Anyone will appreciate your generosity, as everyone's out to make friends. And you can pretty much bet that everyone will drink, making alcohol the most accessible of all the following items.

2. Cigarettes.
That's right. There has never been a better time to start smoking until college! Sure, you might have smoked since eighth grade, but no one will know that. Pick up a pack of smokes and watch as you see the same people out smoking with you. Slowly but surely, a group forms through an undying love of cigarettes. Plus, if you're ever at a party or bar, chances are you cannot smoke inside, so if you ever want to talk to somebody, anybody, you have your chance when they go out for a smoke. Just follow them out and suddenly you're the only two people out there, in the quiet, with things in common. On top of all this, smoking does make you look 30% cooler, remember?

3. Drugs.

That's right, drugs! There has never been a better time to start doing drugs than now! Ok you get where I'm going with this. Whether it's weed or acid, someone will gladly buy some off of you. You can then proceed to smoke/trip/roll with them and have life-lasting college memories: "Remember that one time we smoked in a bush? That was awesome!" etc. Following that, you will probably be friends with this person and slowly form your own group of drug users that you love and hate at the same time.

4. Posters/pillows/shit to sit on

So let's just consider here that your roommate is way cool, and you have all the same friends and you're into the same shit. Well, we can all dream now can't we? But regardless, bring some shit to make your room cool, functional even. Everyone will constantly be looking for a room to smoke/drink/trip/roll in. Now considering you have about 30 million friends by now because of all the advice I just gave you, you'll want to have a room that can fit the most people; if you have this room, it will be the perpetual room to hang out in, and you'll always have something to do. Downside: your room will get torn the fuck up, be known as that room, and generally be hated by your Nickelback loving roommate.



Now I know this is not nearly as comprehensive a list as I hoped it would be when I started writing it, but in the process of writing, I thought of a lot more things not to bring to college. That one will be a fun post. By the way, here's what I'm doing on New Year's:

Gangsta's Paradise

"Faster, Faster! Until the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death!"

We all know that guy at the Walgreens inside Lucky. We buy cigarettes from him every single day yet he always ID's us, yeah that guy, and he treats us like he doesn't even know us. That guy. Well anyway, I thought I'd post the regular exchange between him and me. Insert African accent for the clerk.

[Waiting in line..]


Clerk: Next please. (Eyes open wide, looking for the next victim of his asshole-ness)

Me: Hey, how's it going?

[Pause, clerk stares straight into your soul, eats it]

Me: Can I get a pack of Parliament full flavors?

[Clerk stops removing every one of your hopes and dreams]

Clerk: Can I see some, ID?

[This part is important, he says it the exact same way, with emphasis on ID]

Me: Yeah.

[I'll just assume that the annoyance with showing my ID every single day to the same person is obvious]

Clerk: Five twenty.

[I slide a five dollar bill and a quarter towards the man]

Clerk: Out of five twenty-five?

[This is what pisses me off the most, is this a question? Should I answer it? What happens if I say no, it's not out of five twenty-five? Regardless, I either say yes, or nothing.

Clerk: Five cents is your change.

Me: Thanks, have a good one.

[Clerk looks for his next victim whose entire life he will destroy]


Why must corporations desensitize their workers to the point that they must act like they have no idea who their customers are, like they've never seen them before, like we're all the same person?

I've had the same experience when working in a restaurant, at the shittier places that you worked, you could be yourself, whether you're friendly or quiet, whether you're a liberal or a republican, no one gave a fuck, it's either you were that server they hated, or that server who they'd have a drink with, it didn't matter though, because they had to deal with it, they had no choice in the matter. But now as I move into the higher end dining industry, I find myself having to be completely personalityless. Good waiters don't have a personality. We say "Hi, how are you?," and proceed to recite the specials. Good waiters are completely neutral. Now I realize another reason why companies in general blow. If we are trained to be no one at work, how are ever supposed to be anyone in real life?

Chan Marshalll

This is Chan Marshall, by the way.
Be her.