True List of What You Need to Bring to College.

Well, you've read every single website, you dread moving in with your roommate, and you've packed up your Nickelback poster and high school attitude, all ready to move into college.
But what they did not tell you was that there are more things to bring, mainly things that you didn't know would be useful, because none of those "friendly" pamphlets told you about them. Fuck that twenty dollar dry erase board on your door, all that will ever be on there are penises and vulgarity. Pick up the following things instead.

1. Alcohol.
You guessed it, alcohol. You would think everyone thought of bringing some to their first night in college, but you were wrong. Anyone will appreciate your generosity, as everyone's out to make friends. And you can pretty much bet that everyone will drink, making alcohol the most accessible of all the following items.

2. Cigarettes.
That's right. There has never been a better time to start smoking until college! Sure, you might have smoked since eighth grade, but no one will know that. Pick up a pack of smokes and watch as you see the same people out smoking with you. Slowly but surely, a group forms through an undying love of cigarettes. Plus, if you're ever at a party or bar, chances are you cannot smoke inside, so if you ever want to talk to somebody, anybody, you have your chance when they go out for a smoke. Just follow them out and suddenly you're the only two people out there, in the quiet, with things in common. On top of all this, smoking does make you look 30% cooler, remember?

3. Drugs.

That's right, drugs! There has never been a better time to start doing drugs than now! Ok you get where I'm going with this. Whether it's weed or acid, someone will gladly buy some off of you. You can then proceed to smoke/trip/roll with them and have life-lasting college memories: "Remember that one time we smoked in a bush? That was awesome!" etc. Following that, you will probably be friends with this person and slowly form your own group of drug users that you love and hate at the same time.

4. Posters/pillows/shit to sit on

So let's just consider here that your roommate is way cool, and you have all the same friends and you're into the same shit. Well, we can all dream now can't we? But regardless, bring some shit to make your room cool, functional even. Everyone will constantly be looking for a room to smoke/drink/trip/roll in. Now considering you have about 30 million friends by now because of all the advice I just gave you, you'll want to have a room that can fit the most people; if you have this room, it will be the perpetual room to hang out in, and you'll always have something to do. Downside: your room will get torn the fuck up, be known as that room, and generally be hated by your Nickelback loving roommate.



Now I know this is not nearly as comprehensive a list as I hoped it would be when I started writing it, but in the process of writing, I thought of a lot more things not to bring to college. That one will be a fun post. By the way, here's what I'm doing on New Year's: